I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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