highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
