I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize