Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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