only if we run a train.
done.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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