I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
