I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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