Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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