Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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