He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
