just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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