We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
