roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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