Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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