I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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