My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
