I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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