Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
