There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
