During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
