So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
