he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
