So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
