It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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