He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
