His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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