You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
