not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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