I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize