I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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