I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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