Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
