Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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