ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
