I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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