He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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