my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
