i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
