As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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