You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
