Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
