So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
