Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
