Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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