Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
