I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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