how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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