I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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