I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
