You can't special order awesome
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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