my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
