Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
