Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
