did you get engaged???
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
