Jerry, you need to find god
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
