there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize