Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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