Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
