the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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