I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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