I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
