I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
