A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
