Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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