My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
