it glows. i had to have it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
