i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
