Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
