you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
