I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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