dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
