i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
