he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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