I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
