Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize