Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
