you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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