it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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