the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize