Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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