Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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