May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
