oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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