Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
