totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
