Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
