Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can I color on your dick again?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
