Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
