he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
