She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
